Nimrod-ish Behaviour and How to Avoid It
Uncategorized April 25th, 2008
This one is for my most beloved brothers. May Allah guide and bless you always, accept your good deeds, and give you Jannah.
Let’s say that you are sitting in Harvard Square, on a sunny afternoon. Perhaps you look from your spot on the grass, and you see a sister. For the sake of argument, let’s give her a nice hijab. Something easy to wear, something in white or blue. Maybe an abaya too, and an under outfit (of which you can see, at most, the ends of her sleeves and trousers). She would likely wear socks, outside of the house, and sensible (if worn out) shoes. Because she is impervious to heat, she wears a jacket too.
When the sister finishes talking to her newest, elderly friend, she will slowly take her leave. She will rise and walk away. One approach that you might take involves following her into the middle of the street and saying, by way of introduction, “Are you Muslim? Because if you are, then I am about to do the rudest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.”
Your shy and honorable sister will find this perplexing. What kind of question is “Are you Muslim?” Surely her manners and style of dress have already made this clear. Does anyone observe formal hijab for their own amusement? Are you asking if, perhaps, she plays a Muslim on TV? She is even more confused about your desire to misbehave.
Believe it or not, your sister does not want you to do anything rude. Whatever temptation might be leading you to speak of poor adab, she prays in her heart that you (and she) can resist disgrace. She is all for covering the mistakes of other people, when she sees them, and letting Allah be the judge. She hopes that you would do the same thing for her. At this point, your sister starts to feel afraid. She will try to place your accent, to figure out where you are coming from. No beard, short sleeves, fitted pants. Are you Croatian? Israeli? American?
Imagine that our beloved sister actually just wants to go home. She has overdone it with walking today, all the way from Central Square to Mount Auburn Cemetery and back. She is terrified of snakes, and had the misfortune of watching one winding its way around a cormorant’s neck. It’s belly flashed silver above the mud-brown Charles. She hated the water then, imagining it squirming. From nowhere, now, she remembers, and fears asphyxiation.
You are not helping. “Actually, I am Muslim too,” you say. “And I know that the hardest thing for women in America is to dress themselves properly. But I look at you, and I see that you are doing perfectly.” You follow her as she turns down Mount Auburn street. “I want a woman who covers up,” you explain, “And you look like a good Muslim girl. So I thought, if you’re not seeing anyone…”
For the first time, she interrupts. “Actually, I am. I’m all set, insha’Allah. Thank you.” She clear her throat in the way she’s learned from the Algerians. “Jazak Allahu khayran.” She is trying hard now to leave you, while living up to her name. Grace, grace, ever grace, she prays silently. You clench your hand, and cluck your tongue. “Oh, man,” you complain.
The nerves in her neck draw tight.. “Actually, there are lots of sisters in America who cover up.” She pretends that her feet are interesting, and begins to hurry up. “Like you?” you ask. You don’t understand that she feels naked, discussing her clothing. She catches the hem of her cloak against her foot.
“If you mean sisters who wear abaya and hijab like me, then yes, there are lots of them.” She pauses. “For example, everyone at my place of work does. But I think you have to be involved in the Muslim community if you want to meet them.” For a minute more, you walk by her. “I have five years of work experience you say,” and she begins to feel old. You press a folded paper into her hand. “Here, this is my phone number and email address.” You ask her to open it. “Can you read my name?” She nods, and her lips are white.
When she is finally alone, the sister will pull her accoutrement closer to herself. She will look at her shadow, and wonder. She will try to forget all that you said, except for one thing. “I know the hardest thing for women in America is to dress themselves properly,” she replays your voice.
Then she thinks, for the rest of the walk home, about how you are wrong. What could be easier than a long loose cloak, and not having to spend even a minute worrying about your hair? Her clothes do not press on her belly, or squeeze her where she shouldn’t be squeezed. The easiest thing of her whole walk today, she decides in her heart, was figuring out what to wear. She straightens her scarf under her chin, pats her tired ears.
She tries to figure out, while she is alone, what the hardest thing really is. Loneliness? Waiting? She remembers her friend. Getting old? She is grateful to have faith in heart. Maybe that’s the hardest thing, she thinks while she unlocks her door. The times when your iman is low.
April 26th, 2008 at 12:12 am
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April 27th, 2008 at 11:04 am
A great piece. The voice is a little different and that’s nice to see.
Priscilla
April 30th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
[…] AnnaLog - Nimrod-ish Behavior & How To Avoid It […]
May 9th, 2008 at 4:27 am
jazakAllah. beautiful and honest, as always.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:26 am
AssalamAlaikum,
Jazzakum Allah Khayren for the great post. I pray that lots of brothers got to read it and learn a thing or two about asking the wrong questions or just being rude. This post did bring up an issue on how to meet a muslim partner in this country. I myself tried to go thru third parties to see if the person is interested and that usually turns out to be a disaster.I also never sum up the courage to ask a sister on the street or at a gathering for fear of offending her as the brother did in your post. It really can be frustrating at times. At the same time I do sympathise with you having some brother asking daring questions.
May 20th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Barak Allah fikum for this advice with regard to our tendency to engage in Nimrodish behaviour.
I really appreciate how you shift from the material (clothing) to the spiritual (faith) in this piece. When I feel low, I am grateful if I can remember Rumi’s observation that when we feel low it is because of our failure to praise (”alhamdulillah” in the fullest sense).
Subhan Allah.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:28 am
that last paragraph was wonderful. a great piece, mashaallah.
May 31st, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I happened on this site today, and I just wanted to say how moved I was by your vignette.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
and here’s some more adab lessons.
you wear hijab and meet a fellow muslim sister who doesn’t wear it. the second time you see her, you say, “sister, you must wear hijab.”
please, people, we’re so over that.
June 13th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Assalaam Alaikum Anna,
I came across you blog quite by accident but i’m most glad that i did. We would like permission to publish this blog entry entitled “Nimrod-ish Behaviour and How to Avoid It,” as an article on our website. I look forward to hearing from you.
Salma Mohiuddin
Editor
The Western Muslim
salma.mohiuddin@thewesternmuslim.com
www.thewesternmuslim.com
PO Box 61185 Kensington RPO
Calgary AB T2N 4S6
Canada
October 1st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Salaam, mashAllah, you can write! This is one of the best things i’ve read in a while and so honest that i relate. JAK.
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Wow, VERY engrossing & interesting story! I’m a secular Muslim myself, but have family members who practice. Not many Bangladeshi Americans cover (that I know), BUT it’s become common in rural Bangladesh last 10 yrs. It’s just a personal choice, IMHO.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:48 am
informative post. jazakAllah.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Rightly said Dear Emma.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:17 am
avoid according to guidelines of Quran kareem.
February 12th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Very good article. I’ve found your site via Yahoo and I’m really glad about the information you provide in your articles. Btw your sites layout is really broken on the Kmelon browser. Would be cool if you could fix that. Anyhow keep up the good work!
April 6th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
This was a Fantastic write up, I will save this in my Diigo account. Have a awesome day.
June 11th, 2010 at 8:22 am
I wrote a similar blog on this subject but you nailed it here.
June 13th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Another Excellent blog post, I will bookmark this post in my Clipmarks account. Have a awesome day.
June 14th, 2010 at 9:57 am
Wonderfully practical advice, as usual. Thanks for sharing. My prayers are with Nashville right now.
June 20th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
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